Ouch! I think I'm growing

We have gotten through the first month of my husband's official deployment. During this time we have had household appliances break, some financial surprises (some good, some not so good), some of the worst sickness my child has ever experienced while my other child and myself were also (to a much lesser degree) sick, extended family concerns, lost dog, found dog... It has seemed as if we get through one crisis only to enter into another one. Maybe the word crisis is a bit strong in reality, but emotionally it seems about right.

This has, by far, been the most difficult deployment we have ever been through in terms of things going wrong at home. If I were to meet Mr. Murphy on the street one day, I'd be prepared to share a few words with him about his little law. But then again, this is (surprisingly) one of the positives about deployments. As painful and difficult as the process is, it is the best (and in some things maybe even the only) way to bring growth. I am discovering more everyday of what I am truly capable of. I am being forced to really look at myself and my actions and to make adjustments in my attitude and way of thinking. I have been one to not just allow, but almost demand others give me directions on what and how to conduct myself in just about everything. It was the easy way out for me; the coward's way. I didn't want to have to take responsibility for anything, just in case it didn't turn out well. If I was just following "orders" and things didn't work out the way they were expected to, it wasn't really my fault. Right?

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."

I have claimed this to be my life verse for several years now. But the truth is, I haven't really lived by it. I memorized it. I realized I needed to remind myself of this verse and learn to live by it, but I never really have. It was too easy to take the coward's way, to be timid. With everything that has been happening, with having two young children to care for, while Michael has been deployed this time, I have had no choice but to finally begin to live as this verse instructs. I am a daughter of God, therefore I have a powerful, loving, disciplined spirit. I have begun to see the fruit of this spirit finally.

So while I miss my husband terribly and look forward to his return, I am thankful for this time of growth. It is painful. It is uncomfortable. At times it is downright terrifying. But it is also freeing. It is exhilarating. It is even, dare I say, joyful. Finally, after all these years, I am beginning to feel like a woman instead of just a girl. I am beginning to come out of my shell. I am stepping outside of my self imposed box. I am meeting new people. I am asking for help instead of silently suffering alone. I am truly growing. My prayer is that the growth will continue, not only for the duration of this deployment, but for the rest of my life. And I truly believe it will.