If only I were an octopus...

"If only I were an octopus."

This thought seems to be crossing my mind quite frequently these days. It seems on a regular basis, everyone and everything needs my attention at the same time. The latest example was tonight while cooking dinner. I had just gotten off the phone with my dad, the ham and cheese rolls I had put in the oven were just about done and I needed to get the green beans prepped and cooked so Rebecca and I could sit down to eat. Right about the time I was finishing the prepping of the green beans and was starting to cook them, Rebecca has a melt down and wants to be held. Her melt down triggers a meltdown from Haley who now also wants to be held (she was previously content in her bassinet watching me work). The rolls are done, the green beans are cooking, I'm trying to finish getting the remaining ingredients and quickly finish the cooking so we can sit down to eat (as it is already much later than I had intended for us to eat), Rebecca is under my feet crying, begging for me to pick her up, Haley is in the bassinet crying, and I'm wishing I had about 4 more hands to deal with everything. Yikes! I eventually got the cooking completed and was able to sit down and get everyone calmed again and the food served.

It's times like that I really do wish I had 8 arms to help me deal with it all (as I'm sure most moms feel at times, especially those with multiple kids). It's also times like these when I especially miss having Michael's help. To find the silver lining though, these are the times that are the most revealing of so many things. It reminds me of how blessed I am to have Michael. It also reminds me (once I'm able to sit down and actually think) of how capable I can be. While those moments are far from enjoyable, in the end I was able to handle it and everyone turned out happy and content, even if it took a little longer than we all would have liked.

"Capable." That's not a word I have often associated with myself. I've often seen myself as weak and incapable of most things. I usually rely heavily on others to take care of the things I saw as being difficult (no chance to fail if someone else deals with it). This deployment is already stretching me and causing me to grow in this area though. I have surprised myself on more than one occasion already, with my ability to handle situations, problem solve, and keep us all going. I've even tapped into my handyman abilities and fixed the garbage disposal (which broke within the first week of Michael's departure) and a leaking toilet, both of which I would have just left to Michael to deal with had he been here (because I'm just not a repair person and he is an engineer after all-at least that's the excuse I would have given myself).

While I will never actually be an octopus with 8 arms to help me juggle my 2 beautiful girls, the house, errands, chores, etc., I can remind myself that I am capable and that I can handle whatever situation is thrown my way. All I have to do is take a deep breath, say a little prayer and take it one step at a time.

Music and Memories

So since creating this blog, life has been a little too crazy to write. My sweet girl Rebecca had her third birthday yesterday and we headed up to South Carolina to spend some time with Grandma and Maw Maw to celebrate. Saturday night was spent packing, Sunday driving and celebrating, Monday driving and pulling my hair out, and now today some big girl fun with my sweet girl. I finally have a moment while both girls are asleep tonight to write what I've been thinking about. :)

While driving up to South Carolina, Haley slept peacefully, Rebecca played and watched movies on the iPad, and I was able to listen to music as I drove. After a while it occurred to me how many memories were flooding my mind while I drove and how different songs/genres brought up different memories. Listening to The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band made me think of my dad and driving with him in his pickup truck when I was little, singing along to the songs. Linkin Park has a way of putting into song how I have so often felt while dealing with insecurities and various internal wounds. Jars of Clay reminded me of the drive back from Florida to California. There were many other memories that flooded my mind as I drove, all connected to songs either because I had listened to them during that time or maybe just the lyrics would remind me of events/times in my life.

I am so very thankful for the gift of music in this world. It has so many healing properties. It gives us a way to express ourselves (even if we aren't the ones creating the music), a way to help work through things that may be beyond our ability to grasp on our own at the time, a way to celebrate life and the ones we love, and a way to remember.

The Experiment

So many people seem to blog these days. I've never done it and have never really been all that interested in it. Then my husband deployed again, this time leaving me home with our two young girls. I wanted a way to share our day to day lives with him (and anyone else who may be interested) without overwhelming him with all the details I wanted to share in emails or during phone calls. This also allows me an opportunity to sit down and really allow the day to sink in and process after the girls have gone to bed; sort of an online journal. I have no idea what to expect of this blog or how it will develop. I'm not even sure how linear my thoughts will be in these posts, especially in the beginning. Hopefully I can make sense at least most of the time and keep things interesting (given the subjects I have to work with, entertainment should be pretty easy to come by). And with that being said, let the experiment begin! :)